Paul Graham’s advice to founders struggling to make time for family: ‘You can’t get those years back’

Paul Graham, founder of Y Combinator, speaks during an interview at the TechCrunch Disrupt NYC 2011 conference in New York, U.S., on Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Y Combinator’s Paul Graham.

Y Combinator cofounder Paul Graham is back at the startup accelerator this week, talking with founders about the challenges they’re facing — including how to make time for family.

Graham said on X on Wednesday that it’s one of the most common questions he gets from founders of “big, established YC companies.”

“It’s a hard problem,” Graham wrote. “But worth solving; arguably no problem is more worth solving.”

When an X user asked what advice he gives founders who raise the issue, Graham’s answer was simple: “The most important thing is not to ignore the question. You can’t get those years back.”

Graham also responded to another X user who asked whether juggling responsibilities at work and home was one reason young, single people are “better at founding startups.”

“For sure. I don’t think anyone doubts that,” Graham responded.

It’s not the first time Graham has spoken publicly about the trade-off between building a career and raising a family.

In December 2019, Graham published an essay on his blog titled “Having Kids,” where he wrote about how he’s managed his work schedule to make time for childcare.

“I’ve been able to adapt to working this way. Work, like love, finds a way. If there are only certain times it can happen, it happens at those times. So while I don’t get as much done as before I had kids, I get enough done,” he wrote.

Graham, who is married to fellow Y Combinator cofounder Jessica Livingston and shares two children with her, also wrote that while it made him uncomfortable to admit it, “having kids may make one less ambitious.”

He wrote that children can become a parent’s top priority, pushing projects and work further down the list.

“I have some hacks for sailing close to this wind. For example, when I write essays, I think about what I’d want my kids to know. That drives me to get things right,” Graham wrote.

He also questioned whether parenthood has to diminish someone’s drive.

“On the other hand, what kind of wimpy ambition do you have if it won’t survive having kids? Do you have so little to spare?” he added.

Graham’s latest comments come as he’s spending time with a new generation of YC founders. He said on X on Wednesday that he’s speaking with founders from Y Combinator’s 47th batch.

Y Combinator was founded in 2005 by Graham, Livingston, Robert Morris, and Trevor Blackwell.

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